Making mom friends is like trying to make friends in high school. You feel as if everyone is judging everything about you and your child ( who for all purposes is usually an innocent bystander). In these circumstances yourself confidence is none existent, any back bone you may have grown since leaving high school has turned to jelly, and your need for recognition from your peers is at an all time high.
I’ve tried Mommy groups, which from my experience are full of negativity and people looking to act out a passive aggressive warfare that could rival the Cold War arms race. Why do we bother to over analysis other people parenting skills and compare them to ourselves? Which mom is doing to much or not enough. “What do you mean you don’t have your child enrolled in Montessori school yet??? You should have done that while they were in the womb. Now they’ll never get into the top universities” ” your going to put your child in daycare, oh I cold never do that” Your kidding me, right? or my favorite “WHAT YOU STOPPED BREAST FEEDING!!!” (oh btw, never feel guilty about giving up on breast feeding, for some people it just doesn’t work no matter how hard you try, don’t let anyone shame you about it. We had a terrible time and I just wasn’t producing enough for my colicky babe. The bottle made her happy and healthy. Formula for the WIN!) My mom has the best answers for these situations and that is “everyone has a different life and what works for some doesn’t work for everyone. The most important thing to remember is to do what works for you”. My personal favorite ” why, is it your business?” I’ve retorted with a few of those when faced with some rather judgmental attitudes and it pretty much shuts them down cold. I hate feeling the need to defend myself our other mothers from these types, but you just have to remember not to let it effect you or your child. Sometimes they mean well, but there are those who get off on making others feel like crap… to you I say “grow up already”.
There are some women out there who are dead serious about this kind of stuff and will simply pass judgement on a momma by what stroller she happens to be pushing or how well your put together. Even for those momma’s who can pull off getting themselves out of the”lulu pants”, doing your hair and makeup, be prepared to receive the look. You know what I mean..the I just smelled something “stank face” laced with a dash of bitterness. Well, let me just say that if a woman manages to have the time to herself to get ready, we should be applauding and give the overworked momma a complement rather then a dirty look and a back handed comment. We are all sisters and we must stick together and support one another as we navigate our paths through motherhood.
Speaking of put together, for years I worked in a very “La Di Da” area of the city, where the fashionable mom’s wear expensive yoga gear everyday that has never seen a drop of sweat, it was a surreal experience in seeing how the other class lives. Three children was the trendy number to have, privates school’s and nannies a must, being surrounded by the kind of women you feel would judge you Mean Girl style, I was always surprised how they always seemed unaffected to other peoples opinions of their parenting style or lack there of. I learned a thing or two from these Fashion Mommies, to just not give a shit about what other people are saying or doing. Just sit back, enjoy your glass of pinot grigio and get on with your life, because it’s to short and the precious time we have to spend with our little ones shouldn’t be bogged down by negativity.
That being said, I’m still on the search for new mommy friends, so I’ve joined a Mom Date site called Hello Mama. Funny thing is I actually thought of this idea the other day and was doing market research to see if I should develop it, then discovered one already existed. I will let you know how it goes.